Me: "[My Friend's Name Will Remain Anonymous], do you ever get the feeling that people just flat out don't like you? I don't mean that like it sounds. But recently I've just been really surly about a lot of things, and I get the feeling that no matter how I attempt to come across, there's an air of trepidation and dislike where my presence is concerned. I suppose it's because I've created that to a degree, but I just can't sit back anymore when I listen to some of the blanket-statement crap that comes out of peoples mouths. Sorry, I'm just kind of venting."
[My Friend]:
"My dear friend, I know exactly what you mean. I know there are a world of people out there who despise me too. But guess what? They're not important. Why would I waste a second of mental energy on my enemies, when I can take comfort in the thought of my friends, people like you?
Maybe this will help. You have to remember that people are tribal. They define themselves by something basic and then live by that creed, rejecting all those who don't. It doesn't mean they're evil and it doesn't mean they're stupid. It's probably instinctual, which means we can't change anyone. Our ancestors survived the wilds of the savannah through tribal behaviors. And on an emotional level, so do we.
Here are some examples: Republicans hate liberals. Rockers hate rap fans. Southerners hate yankees. The wealthy despise the poor, and vice versa. Fundamentalist Christians sneer at everyone. Young people dislike the elderly. Pro-lifers hate the young women who appear for an abortion. I could do this all day.
So when someone dislikes you, my friend, it says nothing about you at all. It's them.
As for those blanket statements, I don't know what to say. Argument is unproductive, I've learned. No one ever says, "you raise an interesting point." Everyone sticks to their guns. To allow your thinking to change is apparently a sign of weakness. I don't believe that will ever change. But you don't have to be a prisoner to it. You can always walk away."
Maybe this will help. You have to remember that people are tribal. They define themselves by something basic and then live by that creed, rejecting all those who don't. It doesn't mean they're evil and it doesn't mean they're stupid. It's probably instinctual, which means we can't change anyone. Our ancestors survived the wilds of the savannah through tribal behaviors. And on an emotional level, so do we.
Here are some examples: Republicans hate liberals. Rockers hate rap fans. Southerners hate yankees. The wealthy despise the poor, and vice versa. Fundamentalist Christians sneer at everyone. Young people dislike the elderly. Pro-lifers hate the young women who appear for an abortion. I could do this all day.
So when someone dislikes you, my friend, it says nothing about you at all. It's them.
As for those blanket statements, I don't know what to say. Argument is unproductive, I've learned. No one ever says, "you raise an interesting point." Everyone sticks to their guns. To allow your thinking to change is apparently a sign of weakness. I don't believe that will ever change. But you don't have to be a prisoner to it. You can always walk away."
Me: "Thanks, I needed to be reminded of that."
This raises an interesting point...
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